Date: May 13, 2023
Time: 9 pm CEST (3 pm EDT)
Location: Liverpool Arena (also called the M&S Bank Arena)
Number of Countries competing: 26
After two semis and (not a) whole lot of surprises, it all comes down to this. Tonight is the grand final and 26 countries are still in the running for the grand prize, among them the chance to host next year’s contest. Without further ado, here are my thoughts and predictions for the grand final.
1 Austria: Teya & Salena — Who the Hell is Edgar?
There is a ghost in their bodies and it carried them through to the final, and as they were my semi-final 2 winners, they don’t need to do much to convince me.
Chance of winning: Sadly, not much of a chance, but it’ll be an earworm outside the contest
2 Portugal: Mimicat — Ai Coração
I was happy to send a vote their way on Tuesday, so it’ll be a struggle to use the 20 votes between 26 acts, but I thoroughly appreciate this performance so much and I can’t wait to see it again today.
Chance of winning: Um, hello, the death slot?
3 Switzerland: Remo Forrer — Watergun
Switzerland continues their 4th consecutive run at the grand final and Remo’s song has grown on me since its March release. I was happy to have voted for him on Tuesday, so let’s see if this holds true into tonight
Chance of winning: Probably not, but it’s working well for Switzerland
4 Poland: Blanka– Solo
The power of Bejba has made it through and as I have mentioned before, the song didn’t convince me until it added the dance part. People on Twitter are, I wouldn’t say divided, but they have strong opinions about the song even after it won the national selection, but it’s Eurovision, you know.
Chance of winning: Not in a hell’s chance lol
5 Serbia: Luke Black — Samo Mi Se Spava
I’m not sure why this song resonated with me so much. It has a final boss battle, and it seems like it’s back for seconds since the Tuesday beatdown, so I know Luke has the power to destroy him again. Also, who doesn’t love sleep, right?
Chance of winning: It won’t sadly
6 France: La Zarra — Evidemment
Mother has arrived! La Zarra becomes the second Canadian-born singer to sing for France at Eurovision tonight. Between the pictures and the jury show performance on Monday, it’s little wonder she’s among those really vying for a trophy. We’ll see what happens, but I’m actually excited for her
Chance of winning: Only for the fact that France is hosting Junior Eurovision this November, I consider this a challenge accepted
7 Cyprus: Andrew Lambrou — Break a Broken Heart
Well, I didn’t know how it would go, but it turned out well for Cyprus and they’re back in the final after missing last year’s (and that one had a better chance, in my opinion). If nothing else, the pyros will do it
Chance of winning: Nope
8 Spain: Blanca Paloma — Eaea
I love this song. Not as much as anyone else though. But when she performs it live, she actually elevates it. She had her jury show performance on Wednesday, and the part where she “holds” the light is something I think will send goosebumps. There’s little reasons why this is among those vying for a trophy, and I would love to see Spain lift it again after 54 years
Chance of winning: Maybe 75-80%
9 Sweden: Loreen — Tattoo
Loreen, the ever-so-loving artist from Sweden, and she’s vying to be the Swedish Johnny Logan. Make no mistake, it’s a great song. The comments after yesterday’s jury final were mixed at best, but if you know you know. She still got it, even after 11 years
Chance of winning: 90%
10 Albania: Albina & Familija Kelmendi — Duje
The family affair has returned. This was a surprise qualifier from Thursday and I guess it convinced enough people to put them there in the final. However, I’m not for family drama, but that’s not what we’re seeing here. It’s just normal things families go through (at least the good ones) and they exude that. Let’s see how much convince they do to those watching tonight
Chance of winning: Practically 0%
11 Italy: Marco Mengoni — Due Vite
10 years after L’essenziale, Marco Mengoni is back, becoming the first Italian artist to return to the contest since Italy’s big return in 2011. Marco’s initial performance during San Remo got him the win there and a chance to return to the stage. I don’t think Due Vite has the same magic as L’essenziale, but I always believed Marco knows what he’s doing, so I’m not worried
Chance of winning: Not sure tbh
12 Estonia: Alika — Bridges
Of course, my overall last-placed entries keep qualifying year after year. Other than that, the only interesting thing you’ll find here is the haunting piano.
Chance of winning: 0%
13 Finland: Käärijä — Cha Cha Cha
From the worst to the best, this and Sweden are the safest bets to make when it comes to predicting a Eurovision winner. Eurovision gods, do your thing and let Käärijä lift the trophy
Chance of winning: 95%
14 Czechia: Vesna — My Sister’s Crown
Ever since they performed in Prague at the national final, they have always stayed in my top 3, and there’s something magical about this song that resonated with me (read: female empowerment). This song is in four languages, so for a lot of Eurovision fans, that is a plus. For me, it’s the whole package.
Chance of winning: Unfortunately, no chance
15 Australia: Voyager — Promise
They promised Europe that it’ll be alright, and now they’ll really promised that it will be alright. The camerawork was probably the most chaotic ever for Australia, but it tracks. Really good entry too
Chance of winning: Maybe 20%
16 Belgium: Gustaph — Because of You
Like I said earlier, it’s not Eurovision without a queer anthem, and this is it. Belgium is serving it (with a side of a hat-loving performer in Gustaph). This song also grew on me in the final days leading up to the semi-final, and it’s still a grower
Chance of winning: Sadly, not much
17 Armenia: Brunette — Future Lover
I hope Brunette’s future lover sees this and not fuck it up because they might get a good one. This is a solid performance and it just kept building on that after each rehearsal. I’m not sure if the dance break was added just for the show, but it’s a great addition.
Chance of winning: 40% probably
18 Moldova: Pasha Parfeni — Soarele și Luna
From picking up chicks using a trumpet to now professing his love for his wife in an out-of-the-world wedding ceremony, Pasha has grown so much in the 11 years since he first took the stage for Moldova. I would recommend watching this performance 6 times just to see a different person each time.
Chance of winning: No dice, really (although Pasha told CNN that he expects to win)
19 Ukraine: Tvorchi — Heart of Steel
The defending champs are here, and they sent a duo to Liverpool to defend the Ukrainian colors. Sadly, I don’t see them lifting the trophy anytime soon, but they are building on a theme born out of the Russian aggression that the country is forced to fight in.
Chance of winning: Less than 30%, I think
20 Norway: Alessandra — Queen of Kings
Her name is she, queen of the kings, and she has made it to the final (but not without having her wait like that). This song sounds very Norwegian, especially towards other songs that have competed for Norway in the past, and Alessandra gets along so well with other artists. I wish nothing but the best for her tonight
Chance of winning: Maybe 60%
21 Germany: Lord of the Lost — Blood and Glitter
Thankfully they don’t have actual blood and glitter, but they are bringing what I think is Germany’s best hope for a trophy since 2018. Though I’m not a fan of their song, they got something going on here
Chance of winning: Oh, I don’t know… 35%
22 Lithuania: Monika Linkyte — Stay
Orange is back for one last shot in the annual contest. She is, of course, here to stay. It might not be my favorite, but the harmonic nature always sends me.
Chance of winning: No chance
23 Israel: Noa Kirel — Unicorn
The ending dance break got me. I saw one of my favorite TikTok creators dance to it. It truly is phenomenal (I somehow got that part down, and no, I will not film or post it). It’s just worthy of being a major TikTok sound outside of Eurovision and I am here for it
Chance of winning: 50-50
24 Slovenia: Joker Out — Carpe Diem
These 5 lads are just the cutest tbh. They seized every opportunity they could get ever since they were chosen and it has paid off for them. I’m actually excited for them and I can’t wait to vote for them again tonight
Chance of winning: As much as I love them…
25 Croatia: Let 3 — Mama ŠČ
I have mentioned on Twitter when they were chosen in February that it might be a WTF, but it might also pay off in the end, and it did. For those who only watch the grand final, get ready because it’s chaos with a message behind it. And we are here for it.
Chance of winning: No more than 0%
26 United Kingdom: Mae Muller — I Wrote A Song
The hosts are continuing their newfound efforts of sending great entries to Eurovision and there’s no doubt Mae will make the UK proud just like Sam Ryder has last year. She ate and left no crumbs, y’all
Chance of winning: Maybe, probably, 50-50
My actual top
- Finland
- Austria
- Czechia
- United Kingdom
- Sweden
- Serbia
- Moldova
- Norway
- Portugal
- Switzerland
- Israel
- Spain
- France
- Belgium
- Ukraine
- Albania
- Slovenia
- Italy
- Armenia
- Lithuania
- Cyprus
- Germany
- Australia
- Poland
- Croatia
- Estonia
My final prediction
- Finland
- Sweden
- France
- Spain
- Austria
- Armenia
- Norway
- Belgium
- United Kingdom
- Czech Republic
- Slovenia
- Croatia
- Moldova
- Switzerland
- Israel
- Italy
- Germany
- Estonia
- Portugal
- Serbia
- Lithuania
- Albania
- Cyprus
- Australia
- Ukraine
- Poland
Conclusion
The day is set, and I and about 160 million or so people are ready to see the annual “mecca” as I would like to call it, so I’ll be back tomorrow for the final review
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